Nothing will change 8.48

Hey girl,

We haven't talked properly in a while. I know. You know. But neither of us have really done much about it. Even though there was a time where we used to be close, all the conversations we have now don't feel the same. But yesterday showed me that even though we haven't been close in years, it still cuts me to see you so upset.

During the car ride home, I thought of all these things I could've said to you but I don't remember a lot of the things I thought up of. Either way, it was too late to say them. I hope you read this, though, since I don't think I'd end up telling you these things in real life. Last night, I told you not to worry and that things would be okay. I know that actually wouldn't have made a difference to how you're feeling, though. I'm kinda unsure what I'm meant to say, since I'm not completely sure what happened. And I was worried that if I said you could do better anyway, then it might've pissed you off. :s I don't know if what I'll say will make a difference, and if it does, whether it'll be a good or bad one. And that's all just cuz I don't know how or why things happened.

Remember why you did this, though, cuz there was obviously a reason why. Even though maybe you could've lasted longer together, there was a reason why you did what you did. 48 hours sounds and is gonna feel like a long time and I know you're going to be thinking about it. It's going to be hard to think about other things, but I guess you just have to accept it. That's probably sounding like a load of bs coming from me, though.

November 2008 wasn't the best time for me. When I was on the edge of being dumped, I know I isolated myself. I remember it was a Saturday. I was home alone. My siblings were out and my parents were out buying food and groceries. I sat around at home, don't remember what I did on the computer, but I know I wasn't doing much. I didn't eat for 23 hours. Oh wow, I'm at my Bebo and reading my old blog. Shit, I have no idea what I was writing about now. LOL. But I was really cut up about things in the beginning. I don't know the way I acted at school at that time, but at home, I know I'd isolate myself. Everything used to remind me of him. Even on numbers on a calculator. Bus rides home, car rides to tutor and all the time I spent alone in my room. You can't do much but think about it at first.

But after a while, you realise that you're gonna have to get over things and move on, right? I talked to people. A lot of different people. Listened to music almost all the time and on repeat. Focused on the lyrics rather than life. Thought about white noise instead of him which is weird, but it actually worked.

Even though you wish things didn't fall apart now, getting back together is almost guaranteed not to work. We fought all the time. I probably bitched about him all the time. Everyone knew how annoyed I was sometimes. What I'm just saying is that things are probably not going to work out another time, remember why you did what you did, that you have a whole crew of people who are here for you and focus on the things that'll make you feel better. Everyone has their way of coping with things. It's hard not to think of what happened as a bad thing, but when you're over it, you'll realise that it was right and that this was just another step to lead you to the person that's out there waiting for you.

Hey, I don't know if you remember this but remember that time we jigged? I'm pretty sure it was just me and you, because I don't remember mentioning anyone else when I blogged it (referring to Bebo blog, not Blogger blog). We were in the toilets when the bell rang and you were getting changed. I remember how we were worried about getting caught (Okay that was just me, LOL). But there was like an Elmo toy or something, and when you squeezed it, it was like You learnt something new today, hooray, hooray, hooray? And you kept squeezing it so it'd repeat it? Over and over again? LOL.

Don't forget, I love you girl.



(11:29 PM) (ip) eugene ; says:
tell me, do you want this realtionship to kindle on in the rain, or to burn brightly in the summer sky?

I still don't know what the fuck you were talking about, Eugene.

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