your crush

Hey crush,

Fucking, why is your ex-girlfriend so pretty. It's kinda random to open a letter just like that, but oh my gosh, I'm just saying, your ex is like the cutest girl I've ever seen in real life. Okay, but we'll never talk about how pretty she is ever again unless I mention her, or else I'll get jealous, kthx. Anyway, ever since we ever started talking, we immediately got along. I haven't had a big fight with you ever before, and never when we were just friends. Ever! That was cool. I really like how have gone for us since December. I really miss you right now. Okay, so maybe sometimes we have some problems cuz you like Japanese and I like Korean. That's kinda stupid to have fights over when you say it like that, LOL. Anyway, so .. I like retelling how things happened cuz it's so cool, it's like, drama. LOL.

I met you at .. Um, okay honestly I don't know how we started talking but we did. And we added each other on MSN and everything. Wow, this was actually a really really long time; we started talking in I think winter 2008. At least winter 2008, because I remember you were hanging around my group once and I was in winter uniform, and it was raining, and I was with my ex so yeah, I know it was winter '08. Anyway, I remember how you told me your stupid-ass joke about the guy who wanted to find out what that sound was so he became a monk and prayed his ass off. LOL. And I remember when you told me, I was in my sister's room. I'm pretty sure I was in my sister's room, anyway, but I can't think why I was there. I remember I was on the crappy laptop that we don't use anymore, as well. Umm .. Oh wow, I remember how your font used to be dark blue, not light blue. LOL. And your hair used to be dyed like brown. And I remember how you used to want me to say something in Canto cuz I never would, lol. And omg, I think you wanted us to take us to that place where you go there and it's like a competition kinda thing, and it's like they give you a massive bowl of ramen and if you eat it all within an hour and finish the soup and everything then you get it for free and if not then it's like $50? Yeah! LOL, you wanted to go. :p I remember there were times when we didn't talk to each other. Like, we just didn't. Just drifted and then like few weeks or months later we'd start talking again and we'd become really close friends again and talk for ages. I remember staying up till like 1 or 2am with you once, even though I told my stupid ex that I was gonna go off soon, at like 11:30pm, lol.

-- 11:38pm: Kk, a note, this is really long --

Anyway, whatever. I liked talking to you, though. Always. I remember when you liked me, even though I liked someone else, you still gave me advice and told me what to do. I'm sorry I kinda might've flirted with you at that time, like okay yeah I did flirt with you, but I even so, I always thought it was fun talking to you, and I used to stay up really late, talking to you on MSN. Okay that actually makes me sound like a bitch. :I But I know you're not annoyed about that or anything. And just saying, at that time I wasn't even sure if you actually liked me or not. LOL. But I used to ask you, like, if you were gonna ask your crush out and stuff and yeah LOL. I really really really wish I hung around with you more when you were still in school. :( You used to show me card tricks and poker chip tricks. OMG, I even remember once, we webcammed with each other so you could show me a card trick, LOL. But really, I wish I hung around with you more when you were still in school, but I was scared you thought I was annoying or weird or kept saying 'Hi' and said it too much or something. Honestly, I saw you a lot during school and I don't know if that's cuz you did that on purpose, cuz seriously sometimes I saw you heaps right, but I didn't say Hi cuz I didn't know if you saw me so like yeah. Cuz SERIOUSLY, I used to see you heaps. :o And I remember how you used to have your orange folder. And you broke like all the uniform rules. Omg, and I remember when before you had an earring, you were telling me about how you had to ask your mum and convince her and everything. :) And you used to wear your white headphones, and I borrowed them like 2 or 3 times and .. I borrowed your iPod once! It was so dead, lol. And I remember that time like the first time I hugged you, it was at the canteen and I was with Vanessa, and I'm like, Hmm I'm meant to hug him, and she's like, Then go! He likes it from behind ;) and I'm like, Ummm okay then, LOL, so I hugged you from behind and I think you were talking to Adam or someone at the time and they're like, Who's this and you're like, It's my sis and yeah. :D And oh yeah, you used to have an LG Viewty and I was jealous LOL. But I remember when you actually left school .. We weren't talking. It was one of the periods when we weren't talking. I don't know why, though, it was so stupid. :( I wish I talked to you then. But on the Year 12 Final Assembly day, I got a photo with you and Hanson and Danica. Or something like that. But I remember it was then or around then when you met Kim. Oh my gosh, I remember how you had trials, and I told you I'd come around before your exam and give you a hug and say good luck! And I remember once, when I didn't, I texted you good luck, keke. I remember how you told me download Kuai Le Chong Bai and I ended up liking it. But what I really remember, like a lot, is how much we used to text. We were like, non stop texting. :D I liked that, though. We used to talk a lot on MSN, and when I had to go off, we'd text .. Like, text a lot so that I'd actually fall asleep texting you kinda thing. :o But even at school we'd text. Or after school. Or something like that, but I remember texting you on a Wednesday at sport and on the bus when you did bad in your phys trial exam. D:

You called me on December 23rd 2009. I started liking you. Again? I don't know. December 2009 .. I started 2010 liking you. Not going out yet. But anyway, we started talking again in December, just like how we used to. Like, talked heaps. :D You became single again sometime in January I think, and I remember the first time we went out. Okay I don't really remember it in full detail. I kinda do. I miss that feeling, when you find out your crush likes you back and your heart is like mega racing and you just can't believe it. We used to stay up on the phone late, every night. Every night since December. And lol, since December, I don't think I've slept before like 12:30 - 1am, unless I was sick. I remember when I used to like you, though .. I remember how I was so fricken happy every time I talked to you, and when I was on the phone with you I couldn't help but smile. Like, smile for the whole conversation. When we got off the phone, I'd hug my pillow to sleep, but hug it in the way that you would hug your boyfriend to sleep. Not like how you'd hug a teddy bear, cuz if I hugged my boyfriend the way I hugged my teddy bear then .. Okay maybe it's kinda similar, BUT THE POINT IS THAT I HUGGED MY PILLOW LIKE, IT WAS NEXT TO ME AND MY ARM WAS ON TOP OF IT AROUND THE PILLOW WHICH IS REPRESENTING MY BOYFRIEND'S WAIST. LOL. Omg it looks like it means that my pillow = boyfriend. Okay fuck dat, LOL.

Anyway, crush. Boyfriend. I love you. :D I'm glad our fights don't last long -- no more than an hour or two because things are always resolved before the end of the phone call. You buy me toys to hug to sleep at night. You made me a book for my birthday card. You bought me an Adidas hoodie and a Mooks jumper and strawberry Pocky for my birthday. You buy me little things like Pocky. You visit me after school when we can't see each other. I really like making things for you LOL. And I liked it when I watched you read the really long note I wrote you. That note that you weren't meant to find but you found it. Like you looked so happy when you were reading it, aww. :D And oh my gosh, I just remembered how me, you and Vanessa used to 3-way and you told us stupid jokes and scary stories and Vanessa was brushing her teeth so hard she was bleeding, LOL. Remember how we'd talk about living together and what things would be like if we were living together? And in the future, we'll have a nice house and we'll have a nice garden and we'll have a pet cat and a pet dog? And we'd full talk about what kinda cat we'd want, LOL, like whether it'd be an indoors only kinda cat and what colour and stuff? :D When you were going back to uni, I was scared things were going to change and I'd be sad. But things stayed the same. Things got better. We've become so much closer and do stupid things together, and I love it when you tell me that your sister or mum said something about me, like they like my legs or something LOL omg. :D

There are so many things I want to do with you (not sexual, I'm trying to be like really sensitive sounding LOL) and so many places I wanna go with you. We've made so many plans, I just really hope that one day, we'll go Ikea together. One day, I'll surprise you and come over, and we'll cook something. I want it to be like not awkward between me and your sister, but both of us are shy so um it kinda isn't working out, lol, I have no idea what I would say to her if I came over, even though I wanna talk to her more. But I just think it'll be really cool if me, you and your sister could just hang around and it wouldn't be weird and stuff. Um, I'm kinda scared of your brother. LOL. But it'd be really cool if things weren't awkward between me and him, but all I've said to him is, Hi :) cuz he said Hey to me, or something. LOL. And I'm still kinda like a bit scared of your mum, well like, not scared but my Canto really sucks so I don't wanna be like just me talking to her cuz I don't know what to do if she says something I don't understand or know what to say to, which is like really likely to happen. :( I hope my parents like you. I don't know if they do or not. But things will be okay, and you'll come over more and they'll get over things and they'll like you. :D

FUCK THIS IS SO LONG OH MY GOSH, MAN. Okay. You're so cute, lol, and you're the nicest guy to me, ever. You're so sweet -- you wake me up every morning; you don't break promises cuz they mean something to you; you call me every night because you care about our streak since December; you make me the happiest girl ever when I'm with you. And I love it how we react to things the same way, or do the same things. Like today, we both tried saying sorry at the same time. Like I'm not joking, I was texting you and was just gonna press send and you called me. And that other time when you tried calling me but my phone was busy cuz I was trying to call you. I really really miss you right now. This is gonna sound kinda gay but like .. Idk, I just wanna make all this stuff for you. Like art-y stuff. It's not like I would just feel like making shit like that out of nowhere. It's not like I would even look at how to make that stuff, or look at blogs with that kinda stuff, out of nowhere. I just want to see you happy, and I want to see you happy with/because of me. :D I want you to be as happy as you make me. I love you so much.

54 days is nothing compared to forever.


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