Sunday 23rd - (Save)

Look, look, I've written the date differently, and this is like one of the few posts I've had without the · dot at the beginning of the title. I'll do that from now on, though :O. Anyway, I was typing this stuff on my phone yesterday/this morning. And I got tired and didn't end up finishing it.

Lately, I've been thinking about things I normally wouldn't wonder about things I'd normally be running from. And I realise, I have heaps that I should be seriously considering: what do I really, honestly want; is what I want what I need; how should I react to things; how to spend my time and money effectively.

Life is not something we should expect to have forever. Although it's pretty negative to say so, we're all going to die some day. Every action, every mistake and every decision shapes our future, and little things can come up and back stab you later in life. It's only when we almost or actually do lose things do we take them for granted.

One day, we will realise how we've looked past what's in front of us. One day, we'll wonder why we did the things we did. Whether it's next term or when I'm in my freshman years or when I'm on my deathbed, sooner or later, I will realise how much time I've wasted on stupid little things. Worrying why he hasn't texted back. Getting annoyed that she bought the top she knew I wanted. Raging because my parents don't let me out. It's little things like these, that I waste my time on. What if I was told that tomorrow was my last day living? What would all those wasted moments mean to me? I should start living my life properly, and I should enjoy every moment. We need to learn from our mistakes and no matter how lame this sounds, we should seize the day. Every moment spent with our friends and loved ones shouldn't be wasted. Even I've realised that, even though I haven't lived my life that way. Just walking to go home that day, I felt so lonely and annoyed with myself, 'cause I didn't do what I wanted to, 'cause I held myself back.

I think I'm wasting my time, these past few days. Figuring out what I honestly want will put my mind into a better perspective, but it's something that's crept up on me just so suddenly. A lot has happened these past 26 days, and I should know what I want by now, but I don't. When these next 4 days come and go, will I be angry? Upset? Determined? ...